wow

Jesus Insurance ?

From ABC News ..this story

3 SCOTTISH SISTERS IN INVERNESS TOOK THEIR VIRTUE SO SERIOUSLY THAT THEY CONSIDERED THEY MIGHT JUST BE THE SORT OF PEOPLE GOD WOULD LOOK FOR AT THE TIME OF THE SECOND COMING, SO THEY TOOK OUT A ONE MILLION POUND INSURANCE POLICY TO PAY FOR THE COST OF BRINGING UP JESUS IF ONE OF THEM HAD A VIRGIN BIRTH.

THEY FIGURED APPARENTLY DESPITE THE FREE GOLD, FRANKINCENSE AND MYRHH THIS COULD BE COSTLY AND THEY WANTED TO BE PREPARED. WHEN WORD GOT OUT THE SISTERS WERE TOLD THEY'D HAVE TO CANCEL THE POLICY

performance evaulations

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember, it could have
been worse. These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee
performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has
started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other
one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking
for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 others."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.*

to better your credit score--a tip

Lenders like to see that you are able to responsibly use your credit below the available limit. Reducing your debt below 35% of your available credit limit can boost your credit score a few points
Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have confirmed media reports they have returned home to Australia to marry. The Moulin Rouge actress is expected to exchange vows with country singer Urban at Sydney's Mary MacKillop chapel on Sunday before jetting off to honeymoon in Fiji. The happy couple say in a statement: "We are very happy to be back in Australia. We have come home to celebrate our wedding with our family and friends." Pictures broadcast on Australian TV showed Kidman leaving her private jet in Sydney early yesterday morning, but New Zealand-born Urban was not seen in the footage. Kidman's mother and father have already visited their daughter at her Sydney home, and the property is protected from paparazzi photographers by tight security. More than 200 guests are expected at the ceremony, including Naomi Watts, Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe and Baz Luhrmann. All guests have been asked not to buy the couple who has everything a gift, but to donate money to charities they support. Kidman has reportedly booked out the entire Wakaya Club Resort in Fiji, where Rolling Stones rocker Keith Richards was staying when he fell from a tree and injured his head.

A Boy And His Fishing Pole

 A Little Boy & His Fishing Pole
 This true story is about someone in Indiana passed on to me....gives one pause for thought....

 Howard County Sheriff Jerry Marr got a disturbing call one Saturday afternoon a few months ago.

 His 6-year-old grandson Mikey had been hit by a car while fishing with his dad. The father and son were near a bridge by the Kokomo Reservoir when a woman lost control of her car, slid off the bridge and hit Mikey at a rate of about 50 mph.

 Sheriff Marr had seen the results of accidents like this and feared the worst. When he got to Saint Joseph Hospital, he rushed through the emergency room to find Mikey conscious and in fairly good spirits.

 "Mikey, what happened?" Sheriff Marr asked.

 Mikey replied, "Well, Papaw, I was fishin' with Dad, and some lady runned me over, I flew into a mud puddle, and broke my fishin' pole and I didn't get to catch no fish!"

 As it turned out, the impact propelled Mikey about 500 feet, over a few
trees and an embankment and in the middle of a mud puddle. His only injuries were to his right femur bone which had broken in two places. Mikey had surgery to place pins in his leg. Otherwise the boy is fine.

 Since all the boy could talk about was that his fishing pole was broken, the Sheriff went out to Wal-mart and bought him a new one while he was in surgery so he could have it when he came out.

 The next day the Sheriff sat with Mikey to keep him company in the hospital. Mikey was enjoying his new fishing pole and talked about when he could go fishing again as he cast into the trash can.

 When they were alone, Mikey matter-of-factly said, "Papaw, did you know Jesus is real?"

 "Well," the Sheriff replied, a little startled. "Yes, Jesus is real to all who believe in him and love him in their hearts."

 "No," said Mikey. "I mean Jesus is REALLY real."

 "What do you mean?" asked the Sheriff.

 "I know he's real 'cause I saw him, "said Mikey, still casting into the trash can.

 "You did?" said the Sheriff.

 "Yep," said Mikey. "When that lady runned me over and broke my fishing pole, Jesus caught me in his arms and laid me down in the mud puddle."

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Profiling ???

----- HISTORY TEST
   Please pause a moment, reflect back, and take the
   following multiple choice test. The events are actual
   Events from history. They actually happened!
  
                    Do you remember?
  
1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by
   a. Superman
   b. Jay Leno
   c. Harry Potter
   d. a Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40
  
2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by
   a. Olga Corbett
   b. Sitting Bull
   c.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
3. In 1979, the
US embassy in Iran was taken over by:
   a. Lost Norwegians
   b. Elvis
   c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in
Lebanon by:
   a. John Dillinger
   b. The King of
Sweden
   c. The Boy Scouts
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of    17 and 40
  
5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in
Beirut was blown up by:
   a. A pizza delivery boy
   b. Pee Wee Herman
   c. Geraldo Rivera
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year
   old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard
   in his wheelchair by:
   a. The Smurfs
   b. Davy Jones
   c. The Little Mermaid
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at
Athens, and a US Navy
    diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by:
   a. Captain Kidd
   b. Charles Lindberg
   c. Mother Teresa
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
8. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
   a. Scooby Doo
   b. The Tooth Fairy
   c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
9. In 1993 the
World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
   a. Richard Simmons
   b. Grandma Moses
   c. Michael Jordan
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
10. In 1998, the
US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
   a. Mr. Rogers
   b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
   c. The World Wrestling Federation
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
11. On
9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were
   used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers
   and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon
   and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers.
   Thousands of people were killed by:
   a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
   b. The Supreme Court of
Florida
   c. Mr. Bean
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
12. In 2002 the
United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
   a. Enron
   b. The
Lutheran Church
   c. The NFL
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
   a. Bonnie and
Clyde
   b. Captain Kangaroo
   c. Billy Graham
   d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
  
   Nope, ..I really don't see a pattern here to justify
   profiling, do you? 

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World Cup Is On The Way

Signs the World Cup Is About to Start

world cup soccer

5> America shifts its attention from ignoring hockey to ignoring
soccer.

4> Hookers in Germany are practicing bending it like Beckham.

3> You are now permanently barred from Benihana after
head-butting a hot shrimp back into the chef's eye.

2> Aaron Neville paints that thing on his forehead to look like
a soccer ball.


Number 1 Sign the World Cup Is About to Start...


1> Italian soccer officials start listing themselves for sale
on eBay.

Bruce Springsteen :We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions :'Erie Canal' (Live)

Bruce Springsteen :We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions :'Erie Canal' (Live)

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