Kids are Quick - Say Funniest Things

Kids Are Quick


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Reduced Shakespeare

Short Sharp and Intellectual comedies ...thats what's in store for you when you come across this group of three who are incredibly entertaining. A love of Shakespeare is not neccessarily required for the Reduced Shakespeare Company from the talented people of NPR.

Kids & Toddlers Say The Funniest Things

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

What The .... from

...and what a week from 7/7/08 to 7/13/08

Arod falls for the curse of the blonde bambino --no ..the bloonde bimbo thats it . She gets half the money and half the home runs. "Hey Andy Petite ...can you get me some of those blue pills from Roger ?"

Iran tests a bunch of missles and buys a new convertable

Gone with the wind...T Boone Pickens is my new hero. Go TBoone Pickens !!!

Google has a new world called LIVELY. I liked it the first time it was called The Sims.
If you like chatting and emoting online via a 3-D avatar, Lively looks like a winner. And if that sounds fatuous, you may be happier with Age of Conan, EVE Online, Shadowbane, or World of Warcraft.

Michael Vick is bankrupt ..well...we knew morally his bank account matches

Forget the iphone...get an LG Voyager ..just as good...even better the LG Dare . The Verizon ENV is decent for what it does.


Cow Palace, San Francisco, Calif. July 17
Freedom Hall, Louisville, Kentucky July 21
Jobing.Com Arena, Phoenix, Arizona July 25
EnergySolutions Arena, Salt Lake City, Utah July 29
Coliseo de Puerto Rico, San Juan Aug. 2
TBA, Kansas City, Mo. Aug. 8
Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Arena, Jacksonville Fl. Aug. 13
Izod Center at the Meadowlands, East Rutherford New Jersey Aug. 19