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SO HOT JOKES ..from YoooHaaa

Welcome and ...enjoy your happiness (THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE SEARCH DESTINATION FOR JOKES LIKE THIS, inspired by Johnny Carson  and carried on by Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel ...if you have others email me at yooohaaa@gmail.com


It's So Hot . . .   
How Hot Is It ??? 

Gay people were going into Chik Filet just for the air conditioning. 

even Mitt Romney seems cool. (for the democrats)
the nation is under a "heat dome" we have plenty of shade under our 14 trillion dollar debt ceiling (for the republicans) 
Jimmy Fallon
It was so hot today Lance Armstrong tested positive for Snapple
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg was seen drinking a Big Gulp
“It's so hot outside I've wiped my ass 10 times today and I haven't even taken a shit yet!”
No shirt, no pants, no problem
my Reese peanut butter cups turned into Reese peanut butter shooters...I drank 'em anyway.
The next book should be called 50 shades of red
Its so hot out here that this cd we found on the street is sweating!
my sweat started sweating
The Devil was in Ace Hardware buying air conditioners
 ....my golf ball stuck to the clubface upon impact.
I saw Optimus Prime transform into an air conditioner

My change melted into a medallion in my purse.
I just seen an elderly woman walk through the sprinklers in the garden section at Target....
Its so hot today you could fry an egg on an ice cube
 so hot that the Florida Marlins will be renamed "The Florida Humidity" so can say..Its not the "Heat" that is so bad, its the Humidity!
People with jeeps have their tops up and AC 
Keeping Up With the Kardashians" is now called "Sweating with the Kardashians"
Snooki's baby made a statement that they weren't ready to come out yet until global warming was solved.
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Newt Gingrich took off a layer of his fat.
my balls are sticking to the side of your leg
It's so hot I filled a kiddie pool with my sweat
even trumps hair won't go outside
a crackhead just tried to sell me a ceiling fan..
squirrels are pouring Gatorade on their nuts
I watched my dog pee from the window inside
that i made my scrambled eggs on the sidewalk
popsicles are melting in my freezer!!
that the Statue of Liberty has pit stains.
Mayor Mike Bloomberg was seen drinking a Big Gulp.
I got raw footage of the devil backstroking in the baptism pool.
Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water

that I just saw a group of mennonite women wearing daisy duke shorts!
My pool won't be ready for another couple days... I need a pool to go to tonight.
I just saw a bum with a sign that said "Will work for shade
I wish I was five so I could run through the sprinkler without looking like a freak
Having to put your phone in the fridge because it overheated
Seriously considering wearing shorts to the concert despite the fact that I haven't shaved my legs in a week and a 
It's so hot today..the National Weather Service has issued a fat guy in tank top warning....
national weather service says avoid strenous activity..or what they said to the kardashians..just what you were doing
Squirrels are pouring Gatorade on their nuts
ice pops are melting in the freezer
Somewhere in the US a corn stalk turns into to popcorn (Link goes to cartoon for your facebook)
It's So Hot That People Are Baking Cookies on Their Dashboards 
It's so hot I actually felt emotionally close to our air conditioner this morning. It completes me.

Like Johnny Carson / David Letterman / Jay Leno / Arsenio Hall -Too Hot Jokes / Humor

The weather is 95 and hazy ..kind of like John McCain
It's so hot outside...that the camel moved to Antarctica!?

Hot today here in New York City. Hot also in Washington. It was so hot today that Dick Cheney water boarded himself." --David Letterman

When Hillary Clinton went to work she was wearing her pantsuit without the pants

It's so hot that I saw two trees fighting over a dog. : )

It's so hot, today I saw a chicken lay a fried egg.

It's so hot that it makes me want to take off my skin and sit in my bones

It was so hot in Palm Springs the Betty Ford Center said, "Screw it, open the bar. Drinks for everybody” 
It was so hot my cab driver was wearing an oscillating turban. 
It was so hot at "The View” that their new cast member is Ted Williams. 
It was so hot out that North Korea test launched a long range Popsicle. 
It was so hot today I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen. 
It was so hot today I saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner. 

Birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. 
Potatoes cook underground, so just pull one out and add 
butter, salt and pepper. 
my sweat is sweating!
its so hot in my house who wants to come and fan me with a palm leaf
Jordan Rubin's adding ice cream to The Maker's Diet!
Guy Fieri's shirt is actually on fire.
I just fried a sidewalk in my good egg pan.
I saw Optimus Prime transform into an air conditioner
that the Statue of Liberty has pit stains.
Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water
that I just saw a group of Mennonite women wearing daisy duke shorts!
that Mayor Bloomberg is fining parents for taking their kids outside tanning
it feels like the devil just farted
It's so hot I saw a squirrel putting suntan oil on his nuts
I just saw a chicken lay a boiled egg.
I just watched a stop sign melt.
walked outside and heard bacon sizzling. Looked around and it was my fat.
I'm sweating like a Snooki in church
I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo have evaporated
even the NUDISTS are inside

it so hot that we took my mom to the family reunion and she melted but hell we had enough gravy for everyone!!
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them 
from laying hard-boiled eggs. 

Its so hot I burn my tongue telling it?
Cows are giving evaporated milk. 

its so hot, the squirrels are handling their nuts with potholders

It's so hot that I have discovered that asphalt has a liquid state.

It's so hot that I have found out (the hard way) that my seat belt buckle could be used as a branding iron.
YoooHaaa.com presents ...Its SO Hot Cartoons
Trees are whistling for dogs. 
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water. 
You can say 113 degrees without fainting. 

It's so hot, I can roast marshmallows on my belly
You eat hot peppers to cool your mouth off. 
You can make instant sun tea. 
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. 
When the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly. 
You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot 
water in the toilet bowl. 
You discover that it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car. 
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of 
distance. 
Hot water now comes out of both taps. 
You actually burn your hand opening the car door. 
You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. 
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked 
out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" 
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. 
Hot? I saw a bunch of winos passing around a Dilly Bar!
Everywhere you look there is sunshine and warmth. It’s like living in the french fry bin at McDonalds.
It was so hot in Virginia, Cavaliers fans took the bags off their heads.

It was so hot...
All the corn on the stalks started popping and flying through 
the air. The cows thought it was snowing. And they froze to death.
The potatoes cook underground and all you have to do to have 
lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them 
from laying hard boiled eggs.
the cows are giving evaporated milk.
the trees are whistlin' for the dogs.
Satan decided to take the day off.
Even the sun was looking for some shade!
the birds had to pick up the worms with potholders.
I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walkin'..
that Dennis Rodman went out without a bra!
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs..
Two trees fighting over a dog....
the workers at the chicken place were jumping in the fry vat 
just to cool off
I saw a fire hydrant begging a dog to pee on it
And she almost ate a second spoonful.
It's so hot the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
It's hotter than a half-bred fox in a forest fire.
It's hotter than two bears fighting in a forest fire.
It's hotter than a billy goat in a pepper patch.
It's hotter than two cats fighting in a wool sock.

It's so hot that I tied my mule in a field of corn, and the corn started popping and the mule thought it was snow and froze to death!
It's so hot I saw two trees fighting over a dog.
It was so hot today I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.
It's hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk.
It's so hot outside that you could fry an egg on the hood of my car.
It's hotter than a depot stove.
It's hot as love in August.
It's hotter than a mother-in-law's kiss.
It's so hot I just saw the devil dancing buck-naked in the middle of the driveway.
It's hotter than a firecracker lit at both ends.
It's hotter than a $2 pistol on the Fourth of July.
It's hotter than a June bride in a feather bed.
It's hotter than Georgia asphalt.
It's hotter than high noon in Death Valley.
It's Africa hot!
It's hotter than blue blazes! (See note below.)
It's hotter than a hoot'n poot! (We don't know what that means, either.)
It's so hot the Popsicle timeframe is down to 20 seconds.
It's hotter than a steel playground at noon.
It's so hot that the trees are creeping around looking for shade.
It's so hot around the barn that the barnyard pimp won't even come out and check on his little chicks.
It's hotter than a hen laying eggs.
It's so hot outside it will make you return things you never stole.
It's so hot I could spit fire.
It's stupid hot!
It is hot enough to cure tobacco.
It's hotter than Paris Hilton's underpants.
It's hotter than the devil's underwear.
It's hotter than a pair of sweat pants full of barbecue.
It's another one of those aluminum foil sweater days.
It's hotter than the hinges of Hades.
It's hotter than a ginger mill in Hades.
It's hotter than seven hells out there.
It's hotter than the four sides of hell.
It's so hot that it makes me want to take off my skin and sit in my bones.
I hope you brought the champagne glasses because it is TOASTY out.

It's so hot that...
the radiator on your car is boiling over and you haven't even started the engine yet

...you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

...the temperature drops below 100, you enjoy the cool spell.

...you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window tinting.

...hot water now comes out of both taps.

...it's noon, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out in the street.

...you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. to head for work.

..the local bakery hasn't had to turn on their ovens for a week.

...You can cook breakfast on your driveway instead of in the kitchen.

...You have no idea whey they call it "Dry Idea" Deodorant.

...You don't have to go to KFC to get Fried Chicken, just put it on the hood of your car on the way home form the supermarket.

...the temperature in your house is 105 degrees, but your H/VAC service guy says your air conditioner is functioning properly.


Two young women were out walking in the country on a hot summer’s day when they saw a beautiful lake close to the road.
   ‘It’s so hot! Let’s go for a swim in that lake to cool down!’ suggested the first woman.
   ‘But we haven’t got any swimming things to put on,’ said the other, ‘ We can’t swim naked!’
   ‘Oh, don’t worry about that!’ reassured the first woman, ‘ There’s nobody here to see us.’
So they took off all their clothes and got into the lovely cool water for a swim.
After only a few minutes they noticed a farmer walking towards the lake carrying a large bucket.
   ‘Are you here to ask us to get out of the lake?’ the first woman asked.
   ‘I think he’s here to look at us!’ said the second woman.
The old farmer frowned and held up the bucket for them to see.
   ‘No, I’m not here to tell you to get out of the lake and I didn’t come here to watch you ladies swim naked.’ he replied. ‘I’m just here to feed the alligator.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It's so hot that the volunteers don't have to light their own fires